Coloring within the lines...

Scenario 1

Me: Mommy, there is a spelling bee at school. The winner goes on to represent the school and wins a savings bond. I always get 100s on my spelling test. I want to do it.

Mom: What will you do if you misspell a word?

Me [in my head]: I never really thought about it. I don't really see that happening. [Outloud]: I don't know.

Mom: Spelling bees are hard. Spell "junction."

I tried, but I misspelled the word. My enthusiasm for the bee was deflated a little, but I wasn't deterred, but I knew I couldn't participate without my mom's permission. So, no bee for me.

Scenario 2

In the checkout line at Albertson's Grocery

Me: Mommy, there is a coloring contest. Can I pick up some forms so Peachi and I can participate?

Mommy: No, those contests are rigged. Don't even bother with it. You can pick up a form, but I'm not bringing it back for the contest.

Lesson: Don't try to buck against an unjust system. Don't try in instances you may fail.

Fear: Losing

Result: I'm an overachiever by many standards. I got over a 1400 on my SATS [back in the day before they changed the scoring], 5s on AP exams, made straight As from Preschool through college. I even have an A average in graduate school. I'm getting a Ph.D. Out of my great grands, my grand, and even my mom I'm the first to a high school diploma w/o an adult high school program. But I rarely go out on a limb. I do things that come easy. And if I do something that I may fail at I don't tell anyone, until I'm done. For instance, I snuck and did a spelling bee in 6th grade, but I didn't tell my mom until after I came in 2nd place.

Act of change: Fear is a mind killer. I've been facing my fears and destroying them. One nagging fear that I have is getting close to people and having them leave me. Trying to work through it.